Epic Rap Battles of Hetalian History!
by LavenderTown
Summary: Parody of NicePeter's epic rap battles. Rated T for Total Throwdown.
1. US vs UK

**A/N:** WhatisthisIdon'teven... x_x

If you're reading this you probably know what it's a parody of already, so I'll just let it stand by itself without explanation. Be warned, shiz is about to go down.

(I do not own Hetalia or Epic Rap Battles of History, those belong to Hidekaz Himaruya and NicePeter respectively.)

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYY!<strong>

**THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!**

**VS.**

**THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAAAAAAAND!**

**BEGIN!**

...

Ohhhhhh say can you see this verbal pwnage comin' atcha?

My name is Alfred Fucking Jones

And I'm the rappin' fucking masta!

Look at you!

Your old man body can't handle this shit!

Even your eyebrows are shaking, you better just quit!

Whatsa matter?

Still cryin' about my little tea party?

Why don't you go off to your fairy friends,

And tell _them_ about it, ARTIE.

**...**

_Git._

I hope you're ready to have your arse handed to you shortly,

Assuming that I can even lift it, that is –

It's rather, _ahem_, portly.

Do you know who you're up against?

I bloody INVENTED the English rhyme!

I've got more bollocks than you've got debt,

And my payments are ALWAYS on time!

That's right, you've just been served,

Mister 'land of the free'!

Now, run along to your mum,

Oh wait, I believe that would be _me._

**_...  
><em>**

Hold up!

This shit's about to get _revolutionary_.

I'd break that unicorn's horn off in your ass

If it wasn't freaking imaginary!

How's your Queen doing?

I bet she'd dig some American mojo -

Why don't you trot her on out here,

And watch me Superman dat ho!

Oh, snap! What was that?

Do I smell some Zing Flambe?

Speaking of which, those scones you baked?

Might as well eat some Bubonic Plague!

**...**

You brat! Where on earth did you get such a mouth?

Keep it up, and you'll be hurting something awful down "south".

You're no Superman.

In fact, you're a lot more like Clark Kent.

A bumbling, overgrown imbecile -

Who's load's already spent.

Be prepared to get burned, boy.

If you're going to play with fire.

You may be a superpower,

But I'm a motherfucking _EMPIRE_!

**...**

**WHO WON?**  
><strong>WHO'S NEXT?<strong>  
><strong>YOU DECIDE!<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **And those weren't even my best lines! In all seriousness, as much fun as this was to write, I'm not sure I have it in me to write another one. Not until I update some of my other stories at least. Still, I'd love to hear your thoughts, so if you enjoyed this, please review! Thanks! Peace!

~L


	2. Prus vs Hun

**A/N:** Okay, I know i said no more for a while, but these are just so much fun to write! This really is the last one for a while, though. I'm already in grave danger of being shanked.

Thank you to JoyHeart, Kyo, MoMoPocky, aroniense, Kesesesese,AishiteSubete, pierulestheworld, CoffeeKitty1377, Prussia is Awesome, Appleberry Rose, HunterWindstalker, GirLoki, and Goldpen for the lovely reviews, and thanks to all who Favorited/story alerted!

Now then, without further ado, let's turn this mutha OUT.

* * *

><p><strong>EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYY!<strong>

**PRUSSIA**

**VS.**

**HUNGARYYYYYYY!**

**BEGIN!**

**...**

Is it me, or did this place just get a bit more fucking AWESOME!

How m' I lookin', Lizziepie? I can totally tell that you want some

Of my bona fide five meters. Too bad, you had your chance!

I bet that four-eyed prick can't even find his way inside your pants!

Oh _Sheibe_, I mean _dress_ –

I almost forgot you were a chick.

Sorry to break it to you, babe,

But only one of us has a dick!

**…**

Hey Beilschmidt, Edward Cullen called:

He wants you to give back his skin.

Your pasty ass is about to get wrecked,

Like that little wall in Berlin!

Here's a diary entry for you:

"I'm totally being made Hungary's bitch!"

My rhymes will pile drive you so hard

It'll be another century before you can sit!

I hope you enjoyed this verbal smackdown:

I've got them stored up by the legions.

My name's Elizabeta, _sucka!_

Now, give up your vital regions!

**…**

_Mein Gott_!

It sure looks like somebody's PMSing!

Or maybe it's all that sexual frustration you've been so busy repressing!

Cause let's face it, we both know Roddy's no good in the sack.

Sucks for you! No room for bitches in this one-man wolf pack!

I am Badass Reincarnate! Who even needs that fucking Wall?

You and that piano-humping pussy can suck these

GIGANTIC.

PRUSSIAN.

_BALLS._

**…**

I feel bad for you, Gil - You've got less game than your baby brother.

Why don't you call up your band of perverts,

And go "bad touch" each other?

Just give it up right now – we both know who's going to be the winner.

_{WHAM!}_ Oops! Look like I'm serving up some pan-fried Prussian for dinner!

I've seen cocktail wieners bigger than you!

Who's the man now, bitch?

Get your ass in the kitchen,

And make ME a sandwich!

**...**

**WHO WON?**

**WHO'S NEXT?**

**YOU DECIDE!**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** fyi: that _wham_ was Hungary hitting Prussia with her frying pan. Thanks for reading, and please review if you enjoyed!

~Lavender


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